I have noticed recently that people don’t seem to understand how swear words and the internet go together. Here is a few set of rules to help you guys out:
1) You can swear on the internet.
I’m giving you the personal permission to do it. No one’s going to slap your hand. No one’s going to give you a time out. No one’s going to put soap in your mouth. Have you seen the internet? You saying, “Man, today fucking sucks,” on your Facebook status because you have a cold is just about a million times less offensive than child pornography or racist YouTube videos.
2) But you don’t have to.
Okay, so let’s say your Great Aunt Erma just Googled your name and found your blog and now you don’t want to offend her. That’s fine. You want to keep up a public persona that pretends that you don’t swear to be professional? Alright, wonderful. However, just don’t for the love of god, don’t do number three.
3) Comic strip swearing is stupid.
“Man, today was such sh*t. I f***ing hate rainy days. &^%#*$@ this.” This isn’t Family Circus or Cathy or some shit: this is the internet. It’s not formal. Using comic strip swearing is dumb. Either say it or don’t. If you’re a professional and you write this in a Facebook note, everyone knows what you mean. Obviously. That’s the whole point, isn’t it? You’re angry! Rainy days are awful, and the whole world needs to know! No reason to sugarcoat it! That little asterisk in your fake “shit” looks like the dot above the “i” anyway. If you really don’t want to offend anyone, just don’t swear. Say, “Today was awful. I really hate rainy days.” See? Not so bad. (And further, if you send an e-mail with comic strip swearing in it, who is your audience? Who honestly doesn’t mind comic strip swearing in a personal e-mail, but would be offended by the word “fuck”?)